oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
