Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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