I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
It was like getting head from an anaconda
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
