Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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