I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
