He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
