I think my vagina is haunted
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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