Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
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This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize