he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
