Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize