Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
