If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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