He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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