If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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