So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
