Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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