His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
