I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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