I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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