K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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