turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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