Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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