Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
