I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Why is there bacon in the couch?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
