Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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