Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
