I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
My room smells like vodka and shame
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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