under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
