I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
