I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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