When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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