My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
