Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
