mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
