Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
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