I wish I could teleport
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
