just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
