y did u give ur computer a hand job?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
