finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
