Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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