Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
