I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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