I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
