You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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