My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
