Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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