I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
