There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
