I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
