new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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