i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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