CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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