when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just invented taco cereal.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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