Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
