I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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