Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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