I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
