it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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