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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
