There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
and she was petting her beer can
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
