I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
