i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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