you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
