Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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