Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
